Present Tense: Observe and Report (2009)

The Film: Observe and Report (De Line Pictures, 2009). Directed by Jody Hill. Screenplay by Jody Hill. Starring Seth Rogen, Ray Liotta, Michael Peña, Anna Faris, Collette Wolfe, The Yuan Brothers (John & Matt), Celia Weston. Running time: Somewhere around an hour and a half, but it felt like it was eighteen days long. 

The Quick and Dirty: The second mall cop movie of 2009 (the first being Paul Blart: Mall Cop), this movie is about a bipolar -- which, in this case, means borderline psychotic (sometimes not borderline at all) -- mall security officer played by Seth Rogen. There are a few laugh-out-loud moments in the film, but the movie is amazingly dark for a comedy. It's a great premise for a movie: The mall cop and the men under his command are in hot pursuit of a flasher who is showing off his goods in the mall parking lot. But the movie deviates a lot from the main storyline, showing a go-nowhere romance between Rogen and Anna Faris that is so unfunny it's painful. Genuinely talented actors such as Ray Liotta, Celia Weston and Michael Peña are, sadly, wasted in the film. The hilarious Yuan Brothers -- pudgy twins who play Rogen's subordinates -- steal all of the scenes they're in, and Collette Wolfe helps savage the parts of the film she's in as a genuinely sweet employee at a cinnamon bun joint. 

Why I Didn't Dig It: Hollywood has made one too many slapdash comedies (e.g., You Don't Mess with the Zohan, just about every movie with Anna Faris in it). Add Observe and Report to that list. The movie has a screenplay that sounds like it was written in less time than the actual running time of the movie. Observe and Report is much too grim for a comedy. Some people found the sex scene between Rogen and a drugged-up, passed-out Faris to be too crass (certain reviewers have referred to it as a "date rape" scene, although I wouldn't go that far). The Rogen/Faris sex scene did not bother me as much as the gratuitous violence throughout the film (Rogen and his fellow security guards bashing the hell out of skateboarders; Rogen blasting the unarmed flasher with a handgun). In the end, the movie just doesn't hold together and the funny moments are few and far between. And it proves that just because Seth Rogen is in it, that doesn't guarantee it's going to be funny.

Parting Shot: Maybe it's unfair to hold every Seth Rogen comedy to the standard set by the sidesplittingly hilarious Pineapple Express (2008). Rogen's successful collaborations with Judd Apatow -- The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up -- also set the bar very high. Give the guy a break. He's bound to make a dud once in a while. Grade: D+. 

Five Ghost Films You Really Should Watch...

I just saw A Haunting in Connecticut and was pleasantly surprised by what a good film it was. I went into it with rock-bottom expectations. It received only a 5.8 out of 1o on the Internet Movie Database. I'd give it about a 6.5 -- maybe a 7 if I'm in a very generous mood. The screenplay was well written, the main characters were fully realized, and the spooky moments were genuinely chilling. It was far superior to the dreary 2005 ghost film American Haunting (about the allegedly true Bell Witch haunting), but that isn't saying much.

There are some superb ghost films out there. This is my list of Top Five Ghost Films. If you get a chance, have a look at some of them, especially Number One.

1. The Haunting (1963): There has not -- repeat, HAS NOT -- ever been another haunting/ghost film that can match this 1963 Robert Wise masterpiece. This, simply put, is one of the finest films ever made. Period. Julie Harris is brilliant as the neurotic and insecure Eleanor, a character both sympathetic and maddeningly annoying at the same time. British actor Richard Johnson is thoroughly believable as the erudite Dr. Markway, the movie's resident "expert" who is on hand to explain the strange goings-on in the film. Claire Bloom is the beautiful medium Theo and throw in Russ Tamblyn as the beatnik Luke, one of film's greatest cynics, who's going to inherit the spook-filled castle. Here's something interesting: You never actually see a ghost in the entire film (!). You only hear sounds -- footsteps, groans, shaking door knobs -- yet the film is more horrifying, intense and authentic than any other ghost film ever made. Hollywood will never again be able to make a ghost film this outstanding. Best not to even try. A word to the wise: Avoid the 1999 remake at all costs!

2. Kwaidan (1964): Possibly my favorite Japanese film is also a ghost film to boot (no surprise there). Director Masaki Kobayashi's 1964 tour de force is actually four ghost stories for the price of one. The colors are subdued in the film, which gives you the impression at times that you are watching a black and white film. At other times, the colors are saturated, depending on the mood of the film. There is no gore in the film. No shock scenes. No ghouls leaping out of the darkness. Like The Haunting, Kwaidan relies on top-notch acting, writing, directing, cinematography and music to convey a sense of dread and horror. The film probably is not too easy to locate on DVD, although the mail-order services (Zip.ca in Canada, Netflix in the United States) probably have it. Rent it. Have a look. It will hypnotize you.

3. The Legend of Hell House (1973): John Hough's 1973 The Legend of Hell House -- based on the novel by horror writer Richard Matheson (Matheson also wrote the screenplay) is not in the same league as The Haunting by any means, but it is still a very good horror film. it is also a sentimental favorite: It is one of the first horror films I remember watching as a little kid (no wonder I'm so disturbed -- I grew up on a steady diet of horror films!). Mousy Roddy McDowall -- one of cinema's most underrated actors -- steals the show as turtleneck-wearing medium Dr. Ben Fischer, the lone survivor of another paranormal experience gone bad. He leads a team into the Belasco House -- The Mount Everest of Haunted Houses, as it's called -- a huge castle built by a psychotic millionaire. There isn't much build-up in this film. Crazy shit abounds almost right away. The film has that gritty early 1970s feel to it, the same feeling so many films had when they were finally liberated from the Production Code. It's full of loud moments and shocking special effects. The other performers, Pamela Franklin, Clive Revill and Gayle Hunnicutt, are also very good in the film. But make no mistake: The film belongs to Roddy. He's the reason to see it. He's a great tormented character, going up against dark and powerful forces. 

4. The Others (2001): Alejandro Amenabar's eerie, atmospheric 2001 ghost film, along with 1999's The Sixth Sense (below) revived the genre. In my view, it's a better film than The Sixth Sense. It's darker. It's more forlorn. It's creepier. Like The Sixth Sense, it contains a twist ending (don't worry -- I loathe spoilers). Nicole Kidman is at her very best as Grace Stewart, the mother who cannot tell whether she is losing her sanity. The entire cast delivers fabulous performances. Irish actress Fionnula Flanagan actually somehow manages to steal the show, though, as Bertha Mills. If you want to see a truly great performer at work, watch the film just for Flanagan's performance. This is a movie you'll want to view over and over again.

5. The Sixth Sense (1999): Like Orson Welles, M. Night Shyamalan started out strong and went downhill from there. Sadly, unlike Orson Welles, Shyamalan doesn't seem to have a Magnificent Ambersons or Touch of Evil or Chimes at Midnight up his sleeve. In fairness to Shyamalan, The Sixth Sense is hard to top. Who would've thought Bruce Willis was a heavyweight? He is -- in this film, at least. As Dr. Malcolm Crowe, he becomes a father figure to Cole Sear (Haley Joel Osment, a magnificent 11-year-old actor in a tortured role).  The film is a minor masterpiece and shines in every category. And it also catapulted Toni Collette to fame. What more can you ask for from a film?

You will notice A Haunting in Connecticut did not make the list. Neither did some other very good ghost films: The Night Comes Too Soon, a.k.a. The Ghost of Rashmon Hall, an obscure British gem from 1947; the overlooked 1995 ghost drama The Haunted starring Aidan Quinn and Kate Beckinsale; the amazing British horror film Dead of Night from 1945; and, of course, one of my personal favorite ghost comedies, Ghost Busters from 1984. 

All of them are worth watching.

More Vintage Lugosi: One of my favorite scenes from Devil Bat (1940)

The Film: Devil Bat, a.k.a. Killer Bat, Devil Bats, etc. (Producers Releasing Corporation, 1940). Directed by Jean Yarbrough. Screenplay by John T. Neville. Starring Bela Lugosi, Suzanne Kaaren, Dave O'Brien, Guy Usher, Donald Kerr. Running time: 68 minutes.

The Brief Lowdown: Hardcore Bela Lugosi fans, such as yours truly, savor this classic B-movie from the Golden Age of Bela's film career. Lugosi plays Dr. Paul Carruthers, who genetically engineers a gigantic mutant bat in his kick-ass secret laboratory (what the hell are those buzzing electrode thingies, anyhow, and what exactly do they do?). The bat goes after anybody wearing a special after-shave lotion invented by -- you guessed it -- the same Dr. Paul Carruthers responsible for the genetically-engineered giant mutant bat.  This film is one of my favorite poverty-row quickies (it's not quite as much of a masterpiece as Edgar G. Ulmer's 1945 film noir Detour, which I'll also review here at some point -- but it's up there). Remember Dave O'Brien, from Reefer Madness? ("MAE! BRING ME SOME REEFERS!") He's in this sucker, as a newspaper journalist. O'Brien was one of Hollywood's great underrated B-actors. But Lugosi steals the show as the mad scientist living in an idyllic small town who gets unceremoniously screwed over by a local cosmetics firm. The people who tried to stick it to Lugosi get their comeuppance, thanks to his giant killer bat. Unfortunately, when O'Brien and his dopey photographer pal (Donald Kerr) come snooping around the town, it's the beginning of the end for Lugosi. The film is easily accessible on DVD. Here is a scene from it (below). Enjoy!!!

Memorable Moments: The Black Cat (1934)

Here is a classic scene from Edgar G. Ulmer's The Black Cat (1934). I guarantee that after you watch this scene, you'll want to watch the entire film.

"Supernatural, perhaps. Baloney, perhaps not."

The Film: The Black Cat (Universal Pictures, 1934). Directed by Edgar G. Ulmer. Screenplay by Peter Ruric (Screen Story by Edgar G. Ulmer, Peter Ruric). Starring Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, David Manners, Jacqueline Wells. Running time: 65 minutes.

When I first saw it: Mmm... 1981. Shortly after we purchased our first VCR. 

A few words about it: This art deco horror film is dark as hell. And for a movie made in the depths of the Great Depression, it was way, way ahead of its time. This movie has the distinction of being the film that I've seen more than any other film ever made. I missed a lot of school when I was a teenager, and I spent a lot of that time with The Black Cat in the VCR, watching it over and over and over again. I memorized every scene and every line in this movie. Bela Lugosi plays Dr. Vitus Werdegast, a World War I veteran who is returning to settle an old score with evil Hjalmar Poelzig (Boris Karloff). Karloff gets top billing (by this time, Universal was simply referring to him by his last name -- KARLOFF). But make no mistake about it: This picture belongs to Lugosi. It's his finest moment. Better than Dracula. Better than White Zombie. Better than any of his other movies. Lugosi is sympathetic in this film. It's his most sympathetic role ever, in fact. He is sympathetic to the point of being heartbreaking. The poor guy has been in a prisoner of war camp for years (long after the war ended, he was still held captive there). During the war, Lugosi was ripped apart from his wife and daughter. By sharp contrast, Karloff's Poelzig, a war criminal who now owns a uber-high tech house on the ruins of notorious old Fort Marmorus. The movie opens with Lugosi on a train meeting a young couple on their honeymoon (played by Manners and Wells). After leaving the train, a bus accident leaves the couple, along with Lugosi and Lugosi's servant (a tall, spooky looking dude called "Thamal," played by character actor Harry Cording) stranded at Herr Poelzig's fancy house. The house is actually one of the stars of the film. It is cool as hell, in a funky, retro, art deco kind of way. Turns out that Poelzig is a Satanic high priest (!). There is also a dark secret involving Werdegast's wife and daughter that simply adds to the pathos of the film. Ultimately, Poelzig and Werdegast play a chess match that will decide the fate of the young married couple. If Werdegast loses, the cute young lady (played by Wells) will get sacrificed in a Satanic ritual! One other note: The film has an amazing classical music soundtrack; in fact, it probably utilizes more classical music than any other movie ever made, from Franz Lizst's Sonata in B Minor to Franz Schubert's Symphony No. 8 (Unfinished) to Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet Overture. The list goes on and on. 

Why I dug it: The Black Cat is one of the most unique films ever made. It's a pioneering film noir -- a paleo-noir of sorts. It's almost impossible to believe that such an edgy and dark film could've been made in the 1930s. But here it is. The final scene in the film -- I WILL NOT GIVE IT AWAY (no spoilers here!) -- is still shocking, even after 75-plus years. Let's just say you will not forget the ending  -- or the rest of the nightmarish film, for that matter. 

Parting Shot: I will never see another film as many times as I've seen this one. This movie got me through my teen years. I love Lugosi in this film. He reveals in The Black Cat what an astonishing actor he is. The intensity in his eyes, the facial expressions, the range of emotions... There will never be another Lugosi. My favorite line from The Black Cat is when Lugosi tells David Manners' naive young character: "Supernatural, perhaps. Baloney, perhaps not." 

The best road movie from the 1970s...

The Film: Two-Lane Blacktop (Universal Pictures, 1971). Directed by Monte Hellman. Screenplay by Rudy Wurlitzer and Will Corry. Starring James Taylor, Warren Oates, Laurie Bird, Dennis Wilson. Running time: 102 minutes.

When I first saw it: Oh God. Years ago. 

A Few Words About It: When I first saw director Monte (Ride the Whirlwind) Hellman's Two Lane Blacktop, I wanted to become James Taylor. Not the James Taylor who sang folksy soft rock in the Seventies. No, I wanted to be the James Taylor in this movie -- billed as "The Driver" -- who was totally badass (incidentally, he's the same James Taylor as the singer, but just way, way cooler). What's the plot? Hmm. There isn't much of a plot here. Two guys race around the country in their souped-up 1955 Chevy 150 (which was also an important performer in the film). The characters don't even have names, Taylor stars as "The Driver"; the great character actor Warren Oates of Wild Bunch fame played "GTO", so named for his car; Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys played "The Mechanic"; and Laurie Bird is The Girl. Taylor and Wilson agree to race Oates to Washington, D.C. and the winner gets the pink slips to both of the cars. The movie wanders aimlessly. At various points in the movie, The Girl sleeps with The Driver, The Mechanic and GTO. I won't tell you what happens to The Girl (or any of the other characters -- you really have to see the movie!); let's just say, The Girl has commitment issues. Two-Lane is a countercultural road movie masterpiece. It has all the ingredients of a classic Seventies movie: Overlapping and meandering dialogue; characters who are anti-heroes and can be pretty damn narcissistic sometimes; wide shots that abruptly zoom in; great hot rods, including old-school muscle cars, and a terrific 1970s' soundtrack. I saw the movie years ago on television and then it was abruptly yanked out of circulation (apparently, due to copyright issues having to do with the music used in the film). Two-Lane Blacktop has, thankfully, resurfaced. The film just played on Turner Movie Classics the other day. After watching it, yours truly decided I definitely have to purchase it on DVD. Apparently, the Criterion Collection released the film on DVD at the end of 2007. It is well worth having in your collection, as it remains a great existentialist road movie. It is better, IMHO, than Easy Rider. Sadly, there was a Two-Lane Blacktop curse of sorts. Except for James Taylor, all of the other performers died too young. Laurie Bird, who went on to become Art Garfunkel's girlfriend for a time (and took the photograph of Garfunkel on the cover of his 1978 Watermark album) committed suicide in 1979 when she wasn't quite 26. Dennis Wilson drowned in Marina Del Rey, California, in 1983 (at age 39). Warren Oates had a heart attack in 1982 at age 53. Too bad none of them lived to see Two-Lane Blacktop go on to become a cult movie. 

Why I dug it: I have a thing for road movies and TV shows. Route 66, starring George Maharis and Martin Milner as two buddies crisscrossing the country in a Corvette, is one of my favorite TV shows. I'm also a huge fan of The Fugitive, where David Janssen as Dr. Richard Kimble wanders from town to town across America. My love of road stories started with Two-Lane Blacktop. 

Parting Shot: A fine car movie, an even better road picture, Two Lane-Backdrop deserves its cult status. It has that gritty, naturalistic feel that so many films in the late 1960s and 1970s had. Watching it on TMC the other day brought back a flood of memories. The film gives us a glimpse of America in a very different time -- in the early 1970s -- before Watergate and defeat in Vietnam. Some people might view it as a countercultural relic, and it does seem dated at times. But it remains an edgy glimpse of a bygone era. Grade: B+. 

Present Tense: The Watchmen (2009)

The Film: Watchmen (Warner Brothers, 2009). Directed by Zack Snyder. Screenplay by David Hayter and Alex Tse (based on the limited run graphic novels by Alan Moore, illustraed by Dave Gibbons). Starring Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Matthew Goode, Jackie Earl Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Patrick Wilson. Running time: 162 minutes. 

The Quick and Dirty: A confused movie that bombards you with images, Watchmen is a sprawling buffet with just about every dish imaginable. It's a superhero movie. It's a love story. It's a feast for the eyes. It's a nihilistic urban drama. It takes recent American history and morphs it into an alternative universe where presidential term limits have been repealed, Richard Nixon is elected four or five times as president, the United States and the USSR are on the verge of annihilating one another, and Ronald Reagan is contemplating a run for the presidency in 1988. This alternate historical universe just adds to the confusion. It's set in New York City in 1985, where -- for some reason -- it is raining nearly all of the time. The superheroes -- all caricatures -- are more like psychological case studies than movie inhabitants. The film uses the jarring CGI pioneered by Sin City (and used again in director Zack Synder's overwrought Spartan epic 300). The superheroes are flat. Even the edgiest one, Jackie Earle Haley's bloodthirsty Rorschach, seems like the sort of role that Clint Eastwood might've been asked to play if he were 30 years younger. Rorschach talks in a guttural Eastwood whisper, but his vigilantism lacks the kick-assiness of Dirty Harry's urban outings. Sadly, he's the most compelling of the lot. The other superheroes are cardboard cutouts. And the confusing plot merely undermines the finished product. Still, after all that dissing, it is impossible to deny that there are some brilliant visuals and some masterfully handled scenes in Watchmen. 

Why I Didn't Dig It: Scanning the Blogosphere, the consensus among hardcore Watchmen fans is that the movie is not as good as the original 12-issue comic book series from 1986-87. There seems to be some agreement that it's a good idea to read those first. But it's hard to see how they could save this visually stunning but ultimately shallow movie. 

Parting Shot: Batman Begins (2005), The Dark Knight (2008) and Iron Man (2008) have raised the bar incredibly high for superhero movies. Watchmen can't possibly compete with that outstanding trio. But it sure beats the hell out of Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Catwoman, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and the list goes on and on and on... Grade: C+.