Present Tense: Observe and Report (2009)

The Film: Observe and Report (De Line Pictures, 2009). Directed by Jody Hill. Screenplay by Jody Hill. Starring Seth Rogen, Ray Liotta, Michael Peña, Anna Faris, Collette Wolfe, The Yuan Brothers (John & Matt), Celia Weston. Running time: Somewhere around an hour and a half, but it felt like it was eighteen days long. 

The Quick and Dirty: The second mall cop movie of 2009 (the first being Paul Blart: Mall Cop), this movie is about a bipolar -- which, in this case, means borderline psychotic (sometimes not borderline at all) -- mall security officer played by Seth Rogen. There are a few laugh-out-loud moments in the film, but the movie is amazingly dark for a comedy. It's a great premise for a movie: The mall cop and the men under his command are in hot pursuit of a flasher who is showing off his goods in the mall parking lot. But the movie deviates a lot from the main storyline, showing a go-nowhere romance between Rogen and Anna Faris that is so unfunny it's painful. Genuinely talented actors such as Ray Liotta, Celia Weston and Michael Peña are, sadly, wasted in the film. The hilarious Yuan Brothers -- pudgy twins who play Rogen's subordinates -- steal all of the scenes they're in, and Collette Wolfe helps savage the parts of the film she's in as a genuinely sweet employee at a cinnamon bun joint. 

Why I Didn't Dig It: Hollywood has made one too many slapdash comedies (e.g., You Don't Mess with the Zohan, just about every movie with Anna Faris in it). Add Observe and Report to that list. The movie has a screenplay that sounds like it was written in less time than the actual running time of the movie. Observe and Report is much too grim for a comedy. Some people found the sex scene between Rogen and a drugged-up, passed-out Faris to be too crass (certain reviewers have referred to it as a "date rape" scene, although I wouldn't go that far). The Rogen/Faris sex scene did not bother me as much as the gratuitous violence throughout the film (Rogen and his fellow security guards bashing the hell out of skateboarders; Rogen blasting the unarmed flasher with a handgun). In the end, the movie just doesn't hold together and the funny moments are few and far between. And it proves that just because Seth Rogen is in it, that doesn't guarantee it's going to be funny.

Parting Shot: Maybe it's unfair to hold every Seth Rogen comedy to the standard set by the sidesplittingly hilarious Pineapple Express (2008). Rogen's successful collaborations with Judd Apatow -- The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up -- also set the bar very high. Give the guy a break. He's bound to make a dud once in a while. Grade: D+. 

Five Ghost Films You Really Should Watch...

I just saw A Haunting in Connecticut and was pleasantly surprised by what a good film it was. I went into it with rock-bottom expectations. It received only a 5.8 out of 1o on the Internet Movie Database. I'd give it about a 6.5 -- maybe a 7 if I'm in a very generous mood. The screenplay was well written, the main characters were fully realized, and the spooky moments were genuinely chilling. It was far superior to the dreary 2005 ghost film American Haunting (about the allegedly true Bell Witch haunting), but that isn't saying much.

There are some superb ghost films out there. This is my list of Top Five Ghost Films. If you get a chance, have a look at some of them, especially Number One.

1. The Haunting (1963): There has not -- repeat, HAS NOT -- ever been another haunting/ghost film that can match this 1963 Robert Wise masterpiece. This, simply put, is one of the finest films ever made. Period. Julie Harris is brilliant as the neurotic and insecure Eleanor, a character both sympathetic and maddeningly annoying at the same time. British actor Richard Johnson is thoroughly believable as the erudite Dr. Markway, the movie's resident "expert" who is on hand to explain the strange goings-on in the film. Claire Bloom is the beautiful medium Theo and throw in Russ Tamblyn as the beatnik Luke, one of film's greatest cynics, who's going to inherit the spook-filled castle. Here's something interesting: You never actually see a ghost in the entire film (!). You only hear sounds -- footsteps, groans, shaking door knobs -- yet the film is more horrifying, intense and authentic than any other ghost film ever made. Hollywood will never again be able to make a ghost film this outstanding. Best not to even try. A word to the wise: Avoid the 1999 remake at all costs!

2. Kwaidan (1964): Possibly my favorite Japanese film is also a ghost film to boot (no surprise there). Director Masaki Kobayashi's 1964 tour de force is actually four ghost stories for the price of one. The colors are subdued in the film, which gives you the impression at times that you are watching a black and white film. At other times, the colors are saturated, depending on the mood of the film. There is no gore in the film. No shock scenes. No ghouls leaping out of the darkness. Like The Haunting, Kwaidan relies on top-notch acting, writing, directing, cinematography and music to convey a sense of dread and horror. The film probably is not too easy to locate on DVD, although the mail-order services (Zip.ca in Canada, Netflix in the United States) probably have it. Rent it. Have a look. It will hypnotize you.

3. The Legend of Hell House (1973): John Hough's 1973 The Legend of Hell House -- based on the novel by horror writer Richard Matheson (Matheson also wrote the screenplay) is not in the same league as The Haunting by any means, but it is still a very good horror film. it is also a sentimental favorite: It is one of the first horror films I remember watching as a little kid (no wonder I'm so disturbed -- I grew up on a steady diet of horror films!). Mousy Roddy McDowall -- one of cinema's most underrated actors -- steals the show as turtleneck-wearing medium Dr. Ben Fischer, the lone survivor of another paranormal experience gone bad. He leads a team into the Belasco House -- The Mount Everest of Haunted Houses, as it's called -- a huge castle built by a psychotic millionaire. There isn't much build-up in this film. Crazy shit abounds almost right away. The film has that gritty early 1970s feel to it, the same feeling so many films had when they were finally liberated from the Production Code. It's full of loud moments and shocking special effects. The other performers, Pamela Franklin, Clive Revill and Gayle Hunnicutt, are also very good in the film. But make no mistake: The film belongs to Roddy. He's the reason to see it. He's a great tormented character, going up against dark and powerful forces. 

4. The Others (2001): Alejandro Amenabar's eerie, atmospheric 2001 ghost film, along with 1999's The Sixth Sense (below) revived the genre. In my view, it's a better film than The Sixth Sense. It's darker. It's more forlorn. It's creepier. Like The Sixth Sense, it contains a twist ending (don't worry -- I loathe spoilers). Nicole Kidman is at her very best as Grace Stewart, the mother who cannot tell whether she is losing her sanity. The entire cast delivers fabulous performances. Irish actress Fionnula Flanagan actually somehow manages to steal the show, though, as Bertha Mills. If you want to see a truly great performer at work, watch the film just for Flanagan's performance. This is a movie you'll want to view over and over again.

5. The Sixth Sense (1999): Like Orson Welles, M. Night Shyamalan started out strong and went downhill from there. Sadly, unlike Orson Welles, Shyamalan doesn't seem to have a Magnificent Ambersons or Touch of Evil or Chimes at Midnight up his sleeve. In fairness to Shyamalan, The Sixth Sense is hard to top. Who would've thought Bruce Willis was a heavyweight? He is -- in this film, at least. As Dr. Malcolm Crowe, he becomes a father figure to Cole Sear (Haley Joel Osment, a magnificent 11-year-old actor in a tortured role).  The film is a minor masterpiece and shines in every category. And it also catapulted Toni Collette to fame. What more can you ask for from a film?

You will notice A Haunting in Connecticut did not make the list. Neither did some other very good ghost films: The Night Comes Too Soon, a.k.a. The Ghost of Rashmon Hall, an obscure British gem from 1947; the overlooked 1995 ghost drama The Haunted starring Aidan Quinn and Kate Beckinsale; the amazing British horror film Dead of Night from 1945; and, of course, one of my personal favorite ghost comedies, Ghost Busters from 1984. 

All of them are worth watching.